Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Cop On The Web

Cheesy? Yeah, I know. Despite being tied to the bathroom all day with a digestional issue, I still had to write about this.

I know we as Americans really like to voice our opinions. It is, after all, one of the best freedoms we have. No matter what you think of America as a whole, the president, or anything else you care to gripe about, our freedom of speech is a powerful tool.

In communist China, this freedom continues to elude them. It is totally amazing that a contingent of people such as theirs with their intelligence fails to realize the power they have as a people. Our country did that hundreds of years ago. Man should be ruled only by himself and God. Man has the right to make laws, but these should never be an absolute. Even Christianity itself is distorted because of the views of men that have infiltrated it. But, I digress.

Beijing police recently announced plans to remind citizens that they are actively patrolling the web to catch anyone engaged in civil disobedience (my words, not theirs. They actually state the alerts "remind them that authorities closely monitor Web activity."). The way they plan to do this is by having cute little police men and women avatars randomly (every 30 minutes, according to the report) scroll across user's screens in a car, on bike, or on foot and remind them they are being watched & monitored!

Scary stuff, huh? Looks like Big Brother has REALLY happened in China. Let's make sure it never happens here. I'll DEFINATELY be in jail. I just can't keep my big mouth shut!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Put Down That Soda & LOSE WEIGHT!

Apparently, scientists have now discovered what millions of thin people already know.... It seems that sodas can make you fat! Who knew?

Well, I did. I've been telling people that for years. There is a reason I drink water, lemon sweetened tea, or 100% juice. I don't want to be fat.

I don't care what your momma done tole you. I don't care what advertisers want you to think. Fat IS NOT SEXY!

Don't you find it kind of strange when they show those weight loss commercials and the customer goes from an overweight, out-of-shape, can't climb two flights of stairs without sweating profusely tub-of-lard to a svelte, toned, hard-bodied beauty? I don't. In shape is SEXY!

Overeating is not a disease. Its a lack of self-control. Eating too many sugary things is not good for your body or your teeth. Change your diet today, and perhaps you won't have to have a limb amputated and be confined to a motorized wheelchair when you get older because you caused yourself to have diabetes.

Remember, proteins like steak, chicken & pork turn into muscle. Soft squishy things like cupcakes and sugary drinks turns you into the blob (see below). Do the right thing. Put down the Twinky.

Thursday, August 23, 2007



Let Me Talk To A PERSON!!!



Are you tired of the ENDLESS phone tree systems that seem only designed to waste your time keeping you from talking to a real live person?

I know I am!

There's good news on the horizon!

Someone with more time to waste than you, has put together a list (that MAY or MAY NOT be correct) of the numbers you will have to press just to be able to speak to a live person.

You know how sometimes those phone trees like to tell you, "Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed." ? It's probably because of websites like this.

I hope the numbers work for you. I don't know how long its been since this list was updated. The website itself, GetHuman.com also lets readers rate individual companies, although I'm not sure how well this feature works or what in particular you are rating. You may never use it, but now at least you know!

Sunday, August 19, 2007


The Blob!!!

Science Fiction becomes Science Fact

Okay, so I'm still keeping with the Simpson's thing. Cut me a little slack.

This little tidbit comes to us from the hallowed halls of <<TRUMPETS - da da dah DAHH!>> THE ANNALS OF SCIENCE!

Apparently, those CRAZY scientist are still up to their old tricks. Seems like they're trying to prove that they can create their own "synthetic" life by manipulating genetics sequences to form new organisms that can be used in a unique and different way.

I think I've seen this one...
B movie... remade several times... funny in black & white....

Scary to think we could be on the cusp of.... <<TRUMPETS - da da dah DAHH!>> The BLOB 2.0!

I may just have an overactive imagination, but am I alone when I think this isn't necessarily a good idea. Isn't it kind of cocky to think that if God ain't got it right, that WE CAN?!? WTF!?!?

C'mon people! Just because we CAN, doesn't mean we SHOULD! I CAN shoot someone. SHOULD I?

No!!

When that mutant virus created in Wyoming escapes its glass enclosure and starts growing astronomically after it eats a few people, don't come crying to me! I already voiced my opinion on the subject. Doubt it'll do any good, though.

Just like you can't stop people from being a jerk, you can't take away other's rights to screw everything up for the rest of us.

Thanks guys! (that's in advance)

Friday, August 03, 2007

Skater Slam '08!

If you haven't seen this yet, let me prepare you... This is almost a little disturbing. Let me assure you that he does get up and appears to be quite all right.

That said, NEVER try this at home (of course if you can build something this monstrously cool, then ignore my advise).



(Apparently this was removed from YouTube... Sorry... Go find it yourself.)


Thursday, August 02, 2007

Simponsize ME!

I'm sure that you've already seen the commercials. Burger King and The Simpsons Movie are relentless in their advertising and "guerilla marketing". Just like Snakes on a Plane did, the Simpsons are riding a tidal wave of online movie marketing popularity as millions turn to www.simpsonizeme.com to transform themselves into a Simpsons character.

You may ask yourself why a cartoon character would want to be a Simpsons cartoon. That's easy... Everyone does. Even now, I can feel you itching to begin. Plus, its really cool when the aliens zap you and turn you into a Simpon's character!

Let me just tell you... be patient, and read the instructions. It'll make it easier. It may help to have a nerdy friend help you.

BTW, that's me as Simpson character Kavien the photographer. He pulls mad tail, yo.

Good Luck!